|see what I did there… no?… okay…|
We all have problems and we all like to talk about said problems? sometimes, I am reluctant to chat about my issues because I don’t like to come across as a special snowflake, I understand others have the same things as me.
..but here I am, talking about my problems heh…heh..
I suffer from some form of anxiety, I am not 100% sure what kind but I know I have one, I used to believe it was a social one but lately its about anything that comes into my mind, or in the case of the other night when I suddenly suffered with a panic attack for NO DAMN GOOD REASON!!
Honestly pin pointing the exact moment when I developed some problem is, a problem… I don’t know, It was either school and bullies.. or being told by someone that the only way to loose any weight was to starve myself.. Yes the arseholes are out there. but here I am, 30 years old, mother of 3 and worrying about everything!
Having to fight with people to get my worries across is painful. I have a fear of trains, and lately with the whole terror issue going on in Europe, the threat is high here in the UK, last Christmas my mum wanted to take my son into London to see a panto and the only condition that I asked for was for him to NOT go on the underground, I literally had to cry down the phone to my mum to get her to understand my fear and why I wanted him to get there in a car, this was days after the Paris attacks and as you can imagine my anxitey was extremely high.. its pretty amazing that the day he goes into London there was a knife attack in the underground.. call it mums intuition or whatever but every atom in me is glad he went in the car..
I get mocked for my fear of trains.. I don’t know how that started (bit like my anxiety) as I used to travel on trains all the time..
But this isn’t about siderodromophobia (Yup) this is about me rambling about my worries..
I am trying to get over it, I tried the night of my attack to think about something else, Mr S helped, the attack itself was very odd, I felt like I could just stop breathing and it wouldn’t even matter, I didn’t sleep very well that night but it passed and I still do not know why it happened..
Its a funny thing anxiety, everyone has different experiences of it and many aren’t diagnosed with it, like myself.. I am self diagnosed as I noticed the symptoms I was dealing with matched with what the NHS have on their website.
I am just going to have to deal with it, one day at a time and try not to yell at those who do not clearly understand the feeling if complete and utter fear at anything normal..
But anyway.. I have a cake to bake!
Until next ramble..
Disclaimer; if any of that doesn’t make any sense, sorry.. it is a ramble after all heh