Update – Anxiety.

I have talked about my un-diagnosed anxiety quiet a bit on my blog, because its something that is always there and always in the back of my mind..

After what I can only describe as the worst seven weeks of my life, finally ending, well its not ended but its ended up with me dealing with an increase in panic/anxiety attacks, just last week I had three in one week when I usually have one once a month if I’m lucky..

and one of the days I had two back to back of each other.. not good..

So… I am super proud of myself, that I finally picked up the phone and called my GP… to talk to someone about my issues, my mum has recommended that I go see her massage therapist, so that’s probably where I am going to go, if the doctor asks me if I would like treatment, I don’t want to medicate.. I want to try and talk through my problems first before going down the extreme route of medication..

Not that medication is bad, but I don’t think it would be right for me, as I know I find talking much more therapeutic, Mr S has dealt with me talking all the time about my issues, I think its fair that he gets a little break haha.

My appointment is on the 18th of August, my mum is coming with me as I will be alone with the children, offering me support and trying to  make sure that my opinions on being medicated at this second, aren’t ignored.

I feel proud I did it, considering I don’t like talking to people on the phone OR people in general, its a big step for me..

A big step in a much more healthier mind.

I will update you all more later..

Mummy Cat


Biggest fear as a mother.

I read the daily mail, I know, how could I! Worst newspaper (if you could call it that) in publication.. but in the mornings or quiet times of my day I browse it out of boredom and there was an article on it about a young 15 year old girl who decided to jump in front of a train because her eating disorder had won.

And it really got me thinking about a few of my biggest fears as a parent, how will I cope if my daughters or son is wasting away in front of my eyes and how I will deal with it when it happens.

Parenting like anything is a learning curve, whatever you do wrong with your first you avoid with the second and make completely new mistakes, and looking back on my own childhood, I was an only child, a few mistakes had been made to mold the person I am today.

Reading that article about the 15 year old girl made me realize bullies are unavoidable and will pick apart the one thing you are most insecure about (in my case my weight) and create hell for you, so apart of you hopes that you show your children that the bullies cannot get to you which of course is easier said than done.

I tell my daughter she is beautiful and I tell my son to be proud of his birthmark under his chin but I worry will that be enough, will my encouragement be enough for them to ignore the bullies and hopefully tell someone that someone is being mean to them. Being bullied myself in school and in life I can’t help but be scared for them and their future… 

Which also leads onto another parent fear of mine, what if my child becomes a bully? How will I deal with that, seeing my son or daughters pick on someone else because of their size or cultural background, and respect people for whatever they believe, even if they themselves do not agree with it.

I really just have to hope that I’ve been a good parent, to the best of my ability, which is tough when you yourself suffered with eating issues in the past and even today, I do tell them time and time again that if they have any problems they can talk to me.
Parenting is so stressful as every day is a different challenge and another thing will spring to mind to make me worry but I guess I will just keep on trying my best at it.

Mummy Cat x