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Life.


I have been so busy these few days, a combination of getting the flat back to normal after the summer holidays (so much washing!) and a really blue mood which has has been hanging around since Tuesday, I know why I feel like it and I am trying to not let it get into my head but it’s hard…

On the plus I am due back to my doctors next week for my second anxiety appointment, I am less nervous this time around for it but I feel that I should mention my low mood and ’empty’ feeling that’s hovering around, I feel now that the best course of action is to be medicated, the doctor suggested I use Rescue Remedy which did help a little but while Mr S was away in Germany I suffered anxiety attacks and full blown panic attacks every few hours or so, I actually lost count (it wasn’t due to him being away but it didn’t help he was in another country) and the drops didn’t really do much to calm me down and I spend most of him being away close to tears.

Right now, as I sit in my bath (it’s a purple, sparkly Lush bath) I am thinking of the future, to October and Halloween, and of course December and BLOGMAS!!! my daughter is turning 6 shortly and I know things will get better, life will be better..

I can’t keep letting little things upset me and bring me down, learn from the mistakes and grow to be a better person for my children and their future.

BUT coming up on the blog soon will be a review from Organix and some fun craft items which I received in the mail the other day, more A to Z’s which a few have been written by Mr S and maybe another guest post series!

Until next time

Mummy Cat

x

14

Expecting K

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This is my Facebook status from, as you can see, 8 years ago.. that day, I had gone into town to do some shopping and then meet Mr S from work when he finished, I had met up with some friends and hung about it, but after they went home.. I noticed something..

I was late..

So I went to Savers (a bit like Superdrug.. just cheaper) and got myself a box of pregnancy tests rushed to the shopping centers toilets and to my surprise, the test turned positive, at first I was like ‘ooh okay two lines that’s good’ and then it hit me… two lines meant baby, not that a baby is a bad thing, but at that time, Mr S and I had only been together for less than a year AND I was on the pill..

I cried, I messaged a friend and I then knocked on the doors where my now husband worked, he replied with a ‘oh cool’..

And so, we entered in the mad world of parenthood.. I was scared to tell my mum about it, she had drilled it into me not to make her a grandmother yet so I didn’t want to tell her anything, I really didn’t want to tell anyone but Mr S had to tell his work to get days off for appointments, we both decided to wait until week 12, around the time you have the first ultrasound..

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I had all these fears and worries, what am I getting myself into? what of Mr S leaves me, what if people think I am pregnant purely to ‘trap’ him and mainly, will my mother kick me out of the house.

At the 12 week scan, there he was, this little potato thing, wriggling around and kicking away, its always hard to believe that something so small is growing inside you, and you are the one giving it all needs, We told his parents first.. they ‘knew’ already.. and we then told my mum while watching Eastenders, she made a comment about how she didn’t think I could cope with birth.. ‘yeah well what do you know’..

Mr S told her, I went up stairs and hid inside my room for a bit and she finally came up and asked to see the photo.. everything seemed okay..

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At our 20 week scan, which she came along too, we found out that we was expecting a boy and so the planning and buying started, I made that a rule for all my pregnancies, I didn’t want to buy anything until at least week 20+

NO one liked the name we picked, his first name is Malachi.. or Kai for short, and the amount of arguments I had with people who kept calling him something else or saying how odd his name is, to be honest, I cant see him as anyone else but Kai.. but I had pretty much an uneventful pregnancy right up until the end when around 36 weeks I lost my mucus plug in a big ol’ bloody clot.. nothing happened, I was checked over at the hospital and was around 2 and half dilated.. so off home I went..

two weeks later at about 12 oclock at night my waters finally broke, nothing happened for hours and I finally rang the hospital at 4am, told my mum and off we went to the labour ward again, but still.. no labour, no contractions.. no baby.. so the rule is if labour doesnt start within 24 hours I had to go in to be induced..

GUESS what happened next.. 24 hours later, back at the hospital at 8am only to be induced at around 6pm.. 7 and a half hours later.. and via forceps.. Kai made his journey earthside, getting a little stuck on the way and getting a little cut on his cheek

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Not me obviously, only problem about being the photographer is you don’t trust anyone to take photos.

 

I honestly had nothing to worry about, my fears of Mr S leaving, or my mum disowning me never happened, if anything we now have a stronger relationship and bond because of the children.. and to my mum, my children are her world..

If anything I think I regret not telling my mum sooner, I was the same with R, I was just so scared of telling anyone I was expecting..

I guess I know that with the next one, not to be so scared of what others think, and make sure that I tell my mum after I tell Mr S..

Next year K will be turning 8, and it makes me sad.. why do they need to grow up..

Until next time

Mummy Cat.

 

12

Two children down..

This weekend my mum has taken K and A, leaving Mr S and I with R..
Now usually when the older two are at home, it’s hard work, even with two parents, we are out numbered and arguments often occur..

I honestly forgot how easy life was with a single child at home, don’t get me wrong I enjoy the challenge of three, but it’s been so easy to run to the toilet without worrying what the three of them will get up to, washing has been put on and I managed to deep clean the bathroom, something that I shamefully haven’t done in a while..


I know by the night time, when I go to bed, I’ll miss them, they won’t be in their beds for me to kiss before I go to sleep and they won’t wake me up in the morning demanding breakfast at 5am..

I will just have R..

They are, or at least they can be, a great help too.. helping me get nappies, getting rubbish in the bins and helping me out with R..

But goodness they argue sometimes, with each other and with me hah!

I get them back on Monday morning when my mum goes into work, I hope they are having a fantastic time, they FaceTimed me earlier and A was cooking dinner (Lamb Mince with sweet mash) and K was busy reading Harry Potter (which I had passed down to him the other night, ‘I’m on chapter _’ he yells).

I love my babies so much but sometimes, I think time away from them is good for you, or you can become so stressed.. 

I am going to enjoy my two quiet evenings, playing some games and relaxing.

Until next time

Mummy Cat.

15

BCApril Meet Up.

I am a member of a secret group on Facebook full to the brim of awesome ladies and adorable babies, We had talked about meeting up a few times but the only issue we had was the fact that everyone was dotted around the country and there was never a settlement on when/where and what time would be best for all of us..

It went quiet about the subject for a while, but one of the wonderful ladies decided to mention it again as one of the dates that had been picked was slowly appearing in the calendar and the subject came up again, I convinced my mum and..

Off to Birmingham we go!!!

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R and I stayed over my mums house on the Friday night, our train in the morning was at 8:20 so it made a bit of sense to just have us stay over the night before rather than get a very panicky me onto a train all by myself. We woke up around 5 am, well R woke up at 5am, we just got up with her and got ready, packed up the buggy for the journey and was out of the house by around 7:30am..

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It is safe to say I was extremely anxious about getting onto the train, and was practically forced on thanks to some helpful ladies who helped me lift the buggy onto the carriage, I think I am more scared of the tracks and the edge of the train than the train itself as I was okay once I got onto it, but I told my mum off a few times about walking to close to the track and insisted on walking as close to the wall as I possibly could..

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We got to Cambridge with plenty of time to spare so we grabbed some much needed hot beverages, mum managed to spill some down her white top but a safety pin to the rescue hid it from view, the Cross Country train arrived on time and we got a little lost finding which carriage we needed to get on and got on the wrong one, but a wonderful ticket inspector told us to remain where we were until he could find us a good place to sit and got us somewhere we could leave the buggy.

One thing I have to say about the Cross Country trains is how terrible they were, cramped and on the return journey had no pull down baby changing unit so I had to change R on the dirty toilet floor! bit annoyed about that

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But we made it, at 11:35 we pulled into a city we both have never visited before, the station platform was tiny, I hated it but we got off quickly into the amazing station, it was a shopping center that happened to have a train station inside it! we stopped to check maps and see where we needed to go (got lost of course) and headed towards the Think Tank. we did get lost and we did have to ask for directions many times, but we found it in the end and what an amazing place it is!

If you are ever near Birmingham I recommend going along and seeing it, so many fun interactive things for the children to play with and some of the bits inside are incredible!

After a little walk around I finally saw someone I recognized and then found everyone else and their wonderful babies! R was itching to get out of her buggy and go play with her friends… (and eat stones)

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I’m honestly so glad I managed to do this, I am usually the most shy anxious person when it comes to meeting new people and will go hide in a corner, but I didn’t feel that here, I didn’t know how to talk to them, which i guess was part of my anxiety but it was so wonderful meeting them finally after talking for so long online., there was a few ladies who I wish had come along, but of course there is always a next time.

Because we turned up later than everyone else we didn’t manage to get wrist bands so when I left to go find some food, which was just a packet of quavers and two twix bars, I couldn’t get back into the play area so mum and I decided to go find the big shopping center in the city and find something more nutritious to eat, we found a few other ladies but not the whole group and said a quick goodbye.. I wish I had gotten back in and said goodbye properly.. I fully blame us getting lost in the first place…

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We had another walk around the train station and look into all the shops, mum grabbed herself a clean t-shirt from John Lewis and quickly get changed and by this point R was getting really cranky and fed up so we found a Starbucks and they warmed up some milk for her, which I am so grateful for as she drained her bottle.. clearly needed it!

Our train to leave was at 6:22 but one had arrived at 6:14 and I got into such a panic, one of the things that keep me from going mad is having everything on a schedule, and the fact that the train turned up early freaked me out and made me panic like mad, but we got on, I calmed down and we found our seats.. and it turns out that the train we sat on was going all the way to Stansted Airport, making us realize we hadn’t had changed in the first place, and could’ve simple got onto the Cross Country at the airport!

Now we know eh? We got back to mums house around half 10, and just went straight to bed, slept all the way through until 7 when Mum woke me up with a cup of tea.

I honestly cannot believe I did it, I went on something I am scared of, faced my fear, met people I know on the internet and went to a strange city.. it was such a lovely day and I cannot wait til the next meet up in the future, I hope more come along and I get there in time!

Thank you to my wonderful BCApril ladies and babies! R and I love you all very much.4

Until next time

Mummy Cat

x

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

24

Amelia’s first haircut!

Believe it or not, My middle child has never had her hair cut, so we decided to take the opportunity of the summer holidays to book up an appointment and have something done about her long hair.
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As you can see, the tips of her hair almost settle at her bottom! This is five years worth of growth, we decided to go to Pamper Box which is a local salon, and its always great to support local stores.

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She sat so wonderfully, letting Catherine cut away at her hair, I feel super proud that she didn’t kick up a fuss and moved her head about when she was told as she does have a habit of being a bit grumpy when told to move haha.

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And there is the cut, a huge difference, she honestly looks like a completely different child now, and she likes it, I asked for it to be long enough to tie up when she goes back to school, as we all know about those little creatures that live in children’s hair are a constant worry but short enough that its a big difference and should cause her hair to thicken up.

I am mildly sad about it, we had just learnt how to do a fishtail braid, but I am excited to learn some wonderful short hair styles for her.

They even let me keep the bits that was cut off… for voodoo of course..

Mummy Cat

x

6

My Biggest Fears.

Now this is different to a fear as a parent, I’ve carried this little fear for a while now and I am unsure of where it originated from, but I know its taken hold of me and as actually prevented me from doing things I would do almost on a weekly basics..

I am scared of trains.

I used to travel on them all the time, hell I have been up to Inverness on a train before, but for the life of me, I cannot pinpoint where and why I suddenly became so scared of a mode of transport.. It makes no sense what so ever.. I wouldn’t really call it an irrational fear because trains can cause a lot of damage, for example, you cant die from a high speeding ball of cotton wool or a button can you?

But you can die from a impact from a train, So.. I assume that my fear of trains stems from my fears and worries about dying suddenly and unexpectedly.

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Its completely different from my jumping at the sight of a spider, I will get rid of a spider if needed, obviously if Mr S is about I will ask him to remove the spider for me.. but the fear of the train has me waking up at night from nightmares of falling under them or being stuck in a train crash, Mr S thinks that because I once lived very close to a train station in my old town that I would hear the horns and rattles from the tracks and that would be interrupted into my dreams.. but it still doesn’t explain why just the thought of going on one makes my stomach turn and heart race.

Here’s a link to a wiki page about the fear of trains. and it seems to just say that any fear of trains has something to do with repressed sexuality (Thanks Freud) but I doubt that very much hah, I think at some point, on my many travels around London I have witnessed someone go under a train, I have been on trains that have had a casualty, its a horrible situation for everyone, the driver more so..

I think that’s where my fear has come from, I am trying desperately to over come it, I have too, I am going to Birmingham this month to visit some ladies I met through BabyCentre so I need to over come it and try to travel by train again…

Watch as the train I will be travelling on have a big accident on the day I am due to go..

Until next time

Mummy Cat

x

(I will share more information about my up coming trip soon.. keep those eyes peeled.

6

Meet my husband.

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I figured Id take time out on reporting on my demonic kittens and share a bit about the hobbit in my life, my husband.

We met back in the September of 2008 I was working for sainsbury’s and he was working for game, I dont remember the exact day of first contact but I knew that I liked him, in his shirt and tie looking all handsome.. and despite my social anxiety, my self doubt and my fear of being told no… I asked, yes I did it, for his phone number.

And I still have that piece of paper with it on.

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The day we decided to be a couple is a bit of a long one, basically we met up, had a few drinks (haha a few) and ended up being mugged by some idiots who also mugged three other groups of people that night, I thankfully got away unscathed but Mr S didn’t, they broke his jaw and shattered his thumb, I still can see them hitting him over the head with a glass bottle, it was horrific and frighting but looking back they could’ve done a lot worse than a damaged thumb and a few psychological scars.. flash forward a few years and we are now married with three lovely children so it wasn’t all that bad.

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But enough about how we met and all that fun stuff.. there is one thing that’s amazing about Mr S and that hes such a hard working, not only does he work full time allowing me to be the stay at home parent, he runs a website with friends about gaming which hes been doing on and off for about 6 years now, until a year ago he decided to start up a brand new site after some disagreements with the other owners and since then their new site Big Boss Battle is going from strength to strength.

So good in fact that hes now going to GamesCom in Germany as press!! I am really excited for their growth and also secretly excited about the prospect stalking the GamesCom hashtags on twitter to see if I can spot him on press days.

I am extremely proud of how hard he works at work and on his website, I don’t think he’s ever had a sick day, even when he’s dying of man flu.. he does get easily distracted by silly things but that’s him.. it’s funny, when he goes away to for game related things or to work, I miss him, but when he’s at home in his little corner on his PC he just gets in the way!!

I truly feel blessed that I have such an amazing husband by my side, I am not one to believe in soul mates but he truly is mine, even when we argue it rarely ends in tears and we end up laughing at each other.

He is my better half and I am excited to spend the future with him supporting each other through silly ideas and down days.

Feeling a bit soppy

Mummy Cat

x

Disclaimer – No he didn’t make me write nice things about him, all thoughts and opinions are my own… 😛